Starry Night
by Diezi
Summary: One shot. (After Thor 2) Loki is restless and facing unexpected regrets of stealing the throne.


There was a chill in the night air unlike any Loki had felt in Asgard before. It reminded him of the cruel, cold embrace of space and put him on edge, deepening his already damper mood.

The gatekeeper turned from his post as Loki stepped off the bridge and into the bifrost. He would see only the guise of Odin that Loki had been projecting tirelessly for months.

"What troubles my king?" the large man asked.

"Are our people content, Heimdall?"

"Of course, your majesty. Your leadership has calmed their fears since the dark elves' attack. Can you not see the devotion they feel for you?"

Loki cast his gaze to the stars, each an immense sphere of fire in its own right, yet too distant to share any of their warmth. The same could be said of his subjects' adoration. No matter how warm and bright, their love was intended for another.

"Perhaps you should join your warriors in their merrymaking," Heimdall suggested when Loki did not respond.

Loki said, "I seek more important distraction."

"This night finds the realms in peace. Do not concern yourself, my king."

Loki nodded mindlessly, feeling the chill skirt the edges of his cape to bite at his fingers and sting his cheek.

Heimdall's stern features softened. "Would it cheer you to know that Thor joins his Midgardian friends in their celebration of Christmas? It is the eve of the holiday and they gather for feasting and much revelry."

Human holidays tended to be convoluted, never meaning to one person exactly what they meant to another. Loki recalled that Christmas was widely observed as a time for showing good will to all, as well as respect and love to one's family and friends. Of course, Thor would be in the thick of any gathering that encouraged an overindulgence in food, drink and mindless conversation.

Loki frowned as his thoughts drifted to memories of his youth, when in his ignorance and naivety, he eagerly longed for family gatherings.

"My kingdom is not served best by sentiment," Loki answered quickly, letting his anger flare a bit before it was countered and nearly snuffed out by the persistent chill.

Heimdall's tone was respectful, yet poignant as he asked, "In your grief at the loss of the queen, do you forget the wisdom of her rule, your majesty?"

Loki was surprised by the words because he hadn't considered the profound friendship that must have existed between the king and his loyal gatekeeper. Few would dare to speak so boldly to Odin.

"What are you suggesting?"

"I have the watch," Heimdall assured him in a low, conspiring tone. "If you wish your son's company, none would deny you a brief absence from Asgard, All Father."

Loki realized with a rush of vexing embarrassment that he was actually considering the proposal. Was he lonely? Why else, in light of everything that had transpired between them, would he suddenly be embracing the nostalgia of being in his brother's company?

Odin did not seek out others. He summoned those he wanted to his presence.

"It wouldn't be proper to intrude, and Thor would think I'd gone mad."

_If only it wasn't true,_ Loki thought. There were times such as now that he regretted taking up this charade. The role of King Odin could be so narrow and uninspiring.

"Though he surrounds himself with camaraderie, Thor aches for Frigga, Loki and ties to home. I see it in his eyes even now as his friends speak of their own loved ones."

"He made his choice," Loki said, attempting to sound cold and distant, but ultimately missed the mark as he continued to mull over Heimdall's insights and his own desires. He should have taken the opportunity to walk away, ending this pointless debate, yet Loki lingered, foolishly hoping the gatekeeper would wear him down.

"Forgive me, your majesty. Sometimes I think of Thor still as a young boy, always wanting for your attention and approval. I was speaking to you as his father, not the king."

"I'm always the king," he uttered, feeling the impact of the words as he recalled Odin saying them quite often when he was a boy. Precedent had shown that the king's duties outweighed the sanctity of family dinners, bedtime stories and birthday parties.

No matter his own wishes, it was clear what he had to do.

"Since all is well," Loki said, "you could suggest to Lady Sif or one of Thor's other friends the idea of a surprise visit. Send some wine from the palace stores as a gift."

Loki noted the fleeting disappointment in Heimdall's golden eyes as he forced a smile.

"A fine idea," he said.

With a dismissive nod, Loki turned away. The mysterious cold nipped even more prominently at his features and seemingly crept through his armor to settle naggingly in his chest as he strode back to the waiting guards on the bridge.


End file.
